From the time my daughter was little she never developed a strong bond with her father. I went back to work , working evenings after a year at home with her. It was very hard to leave her because of all the problems between myself and her father, we did not see eye to eye on parenting and I was concerned about his lack of knowing what to do with her. He did have another child but also had a hard time with him as well. I woud get calls from him while I was at work asking what to do , I would hear her in the back ground crying, this woudl go on 3 or 4 times an evening. Not being able to just leave work and being a first time mom this was very hard on me , and very stressful. He was never very gentle with her , without sayin too much there was times I witnessed this rough behaviour which made it easier to decide to leave and make a life for my daughter and I . From the time I moved out ( our daughter was just 2 yrs old). He had nothing to do with her until we finally got a court date 7 months later. I would not let her go alone with him , knowing if we did not have a court order , if he decided not to bring her back , the police would/could do nothing about it. I did tell him he could come visit her but he refused to do this, At this time she was starting her therapy for her Autism. Once we went to court it was decided his visits would be supervised. When he started coming around again , she would take him by the hand and walk him back to his car, or cry and refuse to go to the door with me. I got her worker at the Autism Centre to come and try and help them out. Teaching him about Autism and how to interact with her , this only helped while the worker was there. The supervised visits lasted 2 yrs , until we went back to court. It was then changed to him being supervised for 6 visits with a parent aid/case worker. plus his parents had to be there for a certain time, once the worker was no longer there, my daughter would say she wished she was still there during visits. She started to refuse to go , she would reluctanly go , and then refused all together. It was like the time apart between visits would be enough for her to try again and go but would come back sayin she did not want to go next time, she slept over twice at his place. and says she does not want to go back. He does not call through the week to see how shes been or to just talk to her. Out of no where tonight she said and almost in tears , I do not want to go again , I do not want to see him again!! I try my best to talk to her and say but hes your dad and he loves you but nothing I say seems to make her change her mind about how she feels. She told me last week se wished he was not her dad, she wished she had a better dad!!! I think she needs to talk to someone about her issues with him, I have tried talking to him and explaining what little she has told me but he doesn't seem to get it ..which doesn't surprise me at all . He has never taken my advice when it comes to her . I know that I should be better at making it seem ok to go ..but when I know what he is like with her , and how unhappy she seems , it is hard for me to force the issue.
It is sad when a child does not share a bond with one of their parents. She has told me that she feels bad for him , that is why she ends up going even when she does not want to go , she says he tells her how much he misses her and how lonely he is without her . Who is the grown up in this relationship, not him. She has to remind him to put on his seat belt, she reminds hime to slow down when he is driving fast. I really do worry about her , she has been through enough in her childhood so far to have to be a parent to him when it should be the other way around.
No comments:
Post a Comment