working our way back to Saturdays for Sophies methotrexate, needle day is tomorrow, I have given her her needle 3 times now but it is still hard ...the things we do for our children , learning to give needles is not something I expected to have to do , nor did I expect to have to raise a child with Autism and Juvenile Arthritis alone, but I am and I am so thankful I can be strong and brave when needed ... unlike her father who cannot be bothered to call his own daughter on her birthday..... I have to say that if i stop and think about what my life would be like now if I had stayed in my unhappy marriage and was trying to raise our daughter together threw all of these difficulties I would have killed myself by now. I know that he woud have drove me crazy , the one time she was in the hospital when we were together he was of no support to her or I , he was upset and acting like a baby ... I know I am a strong person and have been able to handle what has come our way as best as I could, sure I have had my moments , when home alone after an appointment that I let my feelings out and cried and screamed why ... but I have always tried to do my best to be positive for my daughter and I know had we stayed together he would have made things much harder.


I will be 32 in a few weeks and have done alot of soul searching the last few yrs since leaving my marriage and have come to the conclusion that I am meant to be single. I am not good at letting people in and sharing the heavy load that sometimes life can bring my way. I am happy being single. Yes,I will admit sometimes it would be nice to have a handy man around or another set of hands when carrying in the groceries. It is sometimes lonely here after my daughter goes to bed at night or when she is away with her dad.

But I have to say until the right guy comes along that fits ..... that I can let in and share the load with and learn to let go of the control ( which is what my ex said most of my problem was) I am happy , happy being single. Happy giving my love and attention to my daughter, my fur babies Salem and Princess, and my immediate family and close friends. And I have always heard when you are not looking love will find you ... maybe just maybe there is someone out there right for me , and me for them.

I am blessed with so much and Iam greatful for all I have in my life.